woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
