it was like his penis was on wheels.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
