IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
