it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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