I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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