I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
