Where did you get a picture of my penis
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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