Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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