LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
