You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
is that a dick in a sweater?
why is half of my head shaved?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
