Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
