There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
