Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
