I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
