guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
