So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
