Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
