i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
