Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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