Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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