I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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