I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
