So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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