It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
