I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
