And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
