He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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