Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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