How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
