yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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