I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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