Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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