We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
