last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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