My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
