Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
