I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
