My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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