All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
