remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
