you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
