I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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