My nipple is on Facebook.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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