I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
