theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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