wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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