My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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