OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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