I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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