Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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