Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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