Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
