Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
