new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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