So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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