yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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