i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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